Who Am I?

Hi, I’m

I thought I was convinced by Christianity. But, one day, I made an important realization—I was accepting Christianity emotionally, not intellectually. I decided to be honest with myself: I wasn’t intellectually convinced Christianity was true, but I wanted to be.

Motivated, I set out to prove Christianity to myself. I assumed this would be easy—but it wasn’t. I went down a rabbit hole and discovered that it’s impossible to prove Christianity.

Pastors and others told me that the only way to be Christian was to believe blindly. I attempted this, but I couldn’t do it—I felt immoral for trying to make myself know something I didn’t. I cried out to God countless times for him to simply reveal himself to me so that I could know that he exists. I was frustrated at myself for even beginning to doubt and wished I could go back to the blind faith I’d had. I was afraid I’d lose all meaning and hope in my life unless I could prove that God existed intellectually.

But I couldn’t bring my mind to simply believe. And there wasn’t compelling evidence that God existed. So I stopped believing.

Now I’m an ex-Christian and I’m sharing the process of how this all happened as well as all of the lessons I learned along the way.

What I’m Writing About

In short, I’m writing about my religious deconstruction and my ongoing philosophic reconstruction.

This Substack is primarily about my journey of deconstructing my belief in Evangelical Christianity—how it started; its stages; my questions, thoughts, and emotions throughout; what I learned; and much more.

I will go into detail on:

• What I used to believe and why

• The philosophic ideas that ignited and propelled my questioning

• The arguments that intellectually convinced me that Christianity wasn’t true

• How I finally let go of my emotional attachment to my former beliefs

• Much more

(Note: You may see that the content already published is not about my deconstruction process. That is because I am currently transitioning from my old Substack and I thought you might like something of mine to read. I am currently in the process of writing articles on my deconstruction process. I will publish them soon as I finish them. Subscribe to get those emailed to you as soon as I publish them.)

Why I’m Writing—And Who For

I’m writing this to help myself make sense of my deconstruction and to help others make sense of theirs.

I hope to give those who also struggle with the claims of Christianity (or another religion) a story and a community they can use for feeling understood and discussing their questions, doubts, and feelings.

I’m also writing this to shed light on very important philosophic ideas that can help anyone, no matter their background, live a more flourishing life.

If you see yourself in these words or are interested in my story, please subscribe to receive my posts.

Important Terminology

• Deconstruction: The pulling apart of a system of thought in order to identify if and how it is true.

• Evangelicalism: A branch of Protestant Christianity in which people believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, Jesus died to atone for their sins, and that their duty here on earth is to evangelize—spread the word that Jesus saves people from their sin if they believe he does.

• Exvangelical: A person who has stopped believing in evangelicalism.

• Faith: Belief in something without—or in direct contradiction to—perceptual or conceptual evidence.

• Philosophy: The study of the nature of man, the universe, and the relationship between the two.